Mark has just been to the doctor and gotten the results of his PET scan and it doesn't look great. The tumors are showing up more and there are more of them there. It kind of makes me have this pit in my stomach when I think about it. I think that I was in the denial stage for a while thinking that he was looking so much better and beginning to feel better that it was all going to go away...
I think that you have to live somewhat in another place, not really denial, but just as much as normal as you can. If you just sat around and thought about the reality of it all, all the time, it would be really depressing. It just seems so unreal and I can't really put my brain around it all.
I wish that I was not leaving the day after his chemo next week. I don't see any way not to go to camp - one leader has already dropped out and there are 20 girls going, half of them the girls that I work with. I just am praying that Mark will not feel bad and that if he really needs something there will be people who can help that week. That makes me really crazy, too.
I am so glad that Burke is here today and tonight. He has made us laugh and laugh. What a gift from the Lord and a great distraction from all the other.
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