Aaron's 35th Birthday ( a day late)

Yesterday was a tad frustrating to say the least. I had worked hours on the video for Aaron's Birthday and then could not get it to post anywhere. I finally got a suggestion from Kyle Oliphint about Vimeo and tried it out last night. It took about 30 minutes to download to their site and be ready with a link on facebook so I got it done this morning. I was hoping to link it here but am not sure it that will work or not. Try going to http://vimeo.com/37225525 or just go to my facebook page! Anyway, Happy Birthday to my firstborn and a blessing to my life. I am thankful for your love for the Lord and for your family, your sense of humor, your brain :), your help when I am lost on the computer and your life for the last 35 years. I love you.

How come the second year is harder?

On my way home from taking my Mom back to Tyler on New Year's Day, I had this crazy meltdown- out of nowhere, completely caught me off guard.  I called my dear friend Debbie, who totally understands, and the first thing she told me was " the second year is harder than the first".  Really.... not what I wanted to hear.  Why would this year be harder at Christmas when last year no one was here and this year everyone was here?  Why would this year be harder when God has so graciously comforted and provided continuously?  Maybe I just think that it should all be done and I am now okay for good.  I don't know, but I do know that God will continue to be faithful, even when I don't have a clue what is coming next or where He is going to lead me. He is much bigger than I ever thought and loves much more than I could ever have imagined.  I may feel lost and alone and scared some times but I can always come back to the truth that He will never leave me or forsake me.  As this new year begins, I pray that I will listen and wait on Him to show me what He wants and where He is leading.  I want to follow, I need to follow because I am truly lost without Him.

It has been quite a while since I last posted on this blog.  It seems strange not to be writing on Caringbridge any longer and I have not been able to start up again here.  After my Christmas Cookie Exchange today I went to get the mail and received the book that I had put together from all the Caringbridge journal entries, guestbook entries and other emails over the last 3 years.  It is a pretty good sized book.  I sat down and as I thumbed through the pages I wasn't sure that I wanted to read it all again.  Three years of life that I poured out the good, the bad and the really hard.  I don't know that I will try to read through it yet.  But there are also three years of prayers,  encouragement and such an outpouring of love from so many that I know the Lord will use those words of others again to bless me and to lift me up and remind me again of His great love for me.


I am missing Mark at this holiday time.  Not that I don't miss him every day and still sometimes think that he will come back through the door.  Has it really been over a year and a half?  It is hard to believe that time has passed so quickly.  I am thankful for all that the Lord has done in that time and for such faithful family and friends that still continue  to care for me.  I am truly blessed.